Oh It's Better Than Nothing....

Today was freezing, literally. It was negative degrees out. I sat outside tonight in the cold, I wanted to feel the deep numbing ache. My chest got hard and sore, my fingers throbbed but I didn't dare put my gloves on. I left my ears exposed as well. The pain was breath taking and eye opening, I haven't felt so much in years. Sometimes I forget what it's like to feel like that, a feeling I use to feel all the time. Now I'm lucky if I feel something at all. But I'm inside now and I don't even feel numb, I am emptier than being empty, if there was a word to describe what more than nothing could feel like; I'd use it. Thats a word that will never come, a feeling contradicting to being able to feel. This is a category I fall into often nothing and everything at the same time. Oh it's better than nothing.